That’s just the story you’re telling yourself
You can learn to widen the lens...
The other day, I came across a story about Albert Einstein. Supposedly, he was writing multiplication problems on the board in a class he was teaching, got one wrong, and his students immediately laughed. He turned to them and said, “When I was right, no one praised me. But as soon as I was wrong, everyone noticed.”
Is this little anecdote true? Nope. Total myth. No evidence he ever said it.
But the sentiment? Pretty spot-on.
Because if I had a dollar for every time someone told me, “I can do everything right 99% of the time, but the second I mess up, that’s what people remember,” I’d be sending this Love Letter from my villa in Tuscany, fresh off a shopping spree (yes, with multiple pairs of shoes) and halfway through the best truffle pasta of my life.
What you’re experiencing is negativity bias, a hardwired feature of the human brain that makes us pay more attention to what’s wrong than what’s right. It kept our ancestors alive by remembering which berries killed Uncle Ed or where the tiger attack happened. But in today’s world, it just means we replay awkward conversations on a loop and ignore the ten things we did well that day.
It’s why your brain bookmarks that one-offhand comment from a coworker but immediately forgets the three people who thanked you for your help.
You can’t erase your negativity bias, but you can interrupt it. You can learn to widen the lens.
That’s where something called cognitive reframing comes in. Reframing isn’t about pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. It’s about seeing the full picture instead of just the one dark corner your brain’s shining a flashlight on.
So instead of asking, “Why did I screw that up?” you shift to, “What did I learn about myself from that moment?” Instead of spiraling into, “They must think I’m incompetent,” you ask, “What else might be true here?”
Reframing isn’t denial. It’s perspective.
So, this week, when your inner critic starts its usual monologue, try asking:
What’s the context I’m not seeing?
What would I say to a friend in this situation?
What else might be true?
You’re not trying to lie to yourself. You’re trying to give yourself more truth, not less.
That’s not toxic positivity. That’s cognitive flexibility.
Here’s to a week of seeing things more clearly,
PS: Let's connect on YouTube! Watch the Relationships Made Easy Podcast on YouTube and leave a comment with any takeaways you got from the episode. I'd love to hear!