The four sentences to say to yourself every night

I was finally watching The Pitt on HBO (no, I don’t know what I was waiting for either), and learned about a Hawaiian practice called Ho‘oponopono. In my typical Abby fashion, I went and learned all I could about it. It translates to, “Setting things right or putting things in order.” Traditionally, it’s also used to repair relationships, heal conflict, and restore emotional balance in families and communities. Sometimes it’s used for smaller things like tensions between two people. And other times it’s used around big ruptures such as divorce and death.
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The practice uses four simple phrases:

• I’m sorry.

• Please forgive me.

• Thank you.

• I love you.

In this particular episode of The Pitt, two adult siblings were trying to find the “right things” to say to their dying father, and this practice was suggested (yes, I cried, we all know I did). But, through the tears, I started thinking.
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Yes, these are wonderful things to say to another person to repair. But I think it’s even more effective to use these sentences to repair your relationship with yourself.
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Because, if you’re honest, the relationship where you’re the most consistently harsh, impatient, and unforgiving isn’t with your partner, your parent, or your boss.
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It’s with you.
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You replay your mistakes, judge your reactions, and minimize your pain. You move on too fast from things that actually hurt, and demand growth without patience or self-compassion.
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Psychologically, this matters more than it sounds. Your brain is wired to remember threat and failure more vividly than safety and success. Without intentional repair, your inner narrative becomes a running critique. Over time, that critique becomes your identity.
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So, here’s my invitation. What if you used these four sentences at the end of every day with yourself for the next week?
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Not as some hokey affirmations you don’t believe anyway, but as emotional repair with yourself. Yes, you. The one person you treat more harshly than anyone else.
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Each night for the next week, brush your teeth (and remember to floss), then stay there in front of the mirror and say these four things to yourself.
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“I’m sorry” might become: I’m sorry for the way I pushed you today. I’m sorry for the way I ignored your exhaustion. I’m sorry for telling you to toughen up instead of slow down.
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“Please forgive me” might sound like: Please forgive me for treating your feelings like inconveniences instead of signals. Please forgive me for the demeaning language I used with you today. Please forgive me for saying “yes” to that thing at work when I needed to say “no.”
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“Thank you” turns into: Thank you for surviving the day, for showing up, for doing the best you could with the nervous system you had. Thank you for taking care of the kids even though you were tired. Thank you for putting away the dishes so tomorrow morning would be easier, and for putting down that last donut bite when you were full.
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And I hope that “I love you” stays the same. Look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say, “I love you.” Write it in your journal, repeat it in your head. I love you. I love you. I really love you.
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Here’s to a week of Ho‘oponopono!

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